This is a sorority of sorts… Motherhood that is. Only those who have traveled the road can truly understand the comradery that we share. The sacrifices that we’ve made and will continue to make. The unbreakable bond we share with our children & with our own Mother’s.
Pre-mommy…
Prior to becoming a mommy, I was filled with so many preconceived notions of what motherhood would look and feel like. I had raised my nephew, been around my younger cousins and my goddaughter but I had never been a mommy myself. I had it all mapped out: who I would marry, how long it would just be us before I had our first child (the plan was always 4 kids… 2 girls, 2 boys). I had imagined my dream wedding, perfect pregnancy and easy birthing experience.
When motherhood came knocking on my door, it wasn’t in the dream package I had already written, produced and starred it in my head. In fact, it wasn’t even the bootleg copy! I was a young, educated, single woman at the beginning of my career. Motherhood was NOT supposed to be happening right now.
It was happening, though, at full speed. It wasn’t the easy type of pregnancy you see glorified in some movies… it was my karma. Years prior to me getting pregnant, one of my best friends got married and was pregnant with her first child within the year. I made fun of her SO much for all the weird symptoms she had. I was not kind or sympathetic. I’m not even sure why she remained my friend during that time because I was a straight up fool to her.
Well let me tell you if you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans and laugh at someone else while doing it. My pregnancies were AWFUL, love my kids, but I hated being pregnant. You can read more about why, here. Imagine waking up every day with the worst flu imaginable. IT’S THE WORST. Oddly enough, this is when I really became a mother.
The truth of the matter…
Some people will say that motherhood doesn’t happen until after the baby is born. I disagree. Motherhood comes the moment you find out you are pregnant/expecting. Its at that moment that every decision you make is no longer just about you. The hope is that you are in a loving & supportive relationship and/or marriage, if that’s what you choose, but sometimes that’s not how its packaged.
Regardless of your status, your bond with your child is unbreakable. Let me be clear, this unbreakable bond doesn’t only come when you birth a child. Sure, that’s when it can initially start. Being a mother, though, is so much more than just giving birth to a child. Sometimes, giving birth isn’t even a part of the story.
What is Motherhood to me NOW…
Trese’s Top 5 Mommy Struggles –
1. Managing the worrying – starts while the baby is still in the womb and according to my mom, it never stops.
2. How to contain all this love – it just oozes out of you, even when you want to scream at the top of your lungs because they have tapped danced on your last nerve
3. Battling the immense fear – Your heart is literally beating outside of your body and you can’t control everything that can and will happen in their lives
4. Becoming Selfless – if you even want to have a shot at being a good mom, there is a certain part of you that is required to be selfless. There will be times when there are competing needs, either amongst the children, the children vs. your spouse, you vs. the children. Most times, the kids win.
5. Balancing the Guilt – Ok, I was trying not to mention this one but you will feel a lot of this. All the time. With everything. I feel guilty for missing my “no kids” life. I feel guilty if I am away from them too long. I feel guilty when I spend date nights with the hubby (although I’m growing out of that one fast… hubby aint having it)
Don’t get me wrong, mommihood is wonderful, magical and smells of unicorn breath but its all those things above as well.
March 10, November 22, & May 16th are the days I became a mom, again and again. Each day is significant so I can’t just discuss the first time because each child is different and each time one was born or entered my life, the type of mom I was had to change as well. There isn’t a “one size fits all” model to motherhood. Each child requires something different.
My life changed in ways I couldn’t imagine when I became a mother. I died to myself and gained a new purpose, one filled with hope, fear and determination.
The day I became a mom, I fully became Latrese.
Love & Light,
Trese, Unapologetically
Mother to Zee, Tori & Amina
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